Me Time

"You need some time to yourself."

"Take some "me time" you need it."

I hear this a lot. I hear it most when Mr. TD is traveling for work and I am home with the kids. It bothers me for many reasons. I have had these things mulling in my mind for quite a while now.

I feel I need to defend my choice NOT to have me time when Mr. TD is traveling. I feel like I have to explain that my kids wouldn't do well with a babysitter at night while he's gone and I am out with the girls. I feel like I have to explain that they are both missing their Daddy, and that I need to be there with them to comfort them.

What is fun for you might not be fun for me. I may not enjoy getting together with the girls, especially since I am not overly girly or concerned about girly things. (OK, I do admit having a girly daughter has moved me in that direction, but I am still a geeky, gadget loving engineer at heart).

It's not that I don't enjoy time away from my children. Sometimes it is nice to go to the store without having to pack an extra bag to carry the snacks, drinks, diapers, wipes and various toys to keep them entertained and without having to say "no" at least a 1000 times to each of them. That's awesome! It's not that I don't enjoy a massage, pedicure or even dessert with the girls. I do, and I get an hour or two here and there. I just don't live for these moments. I have really been struggling with how to address these things - about how to clearly communicate that I have chosen this life - my life.

Last week I recieved my latest copy of The Old Schoolhouse magazine. This is a magazine for homeschoolers. In the magazine there was an article titled "The 'Me-Time' Myth," by Amy Roberts. In this article, she discusses that although time away from her family helped to refresh her, she was always wanting more when she came home to the reality of a sink full of dirty dishes and baths for the kids. When she came home to reality, she would want to head right back out the door. She went on to describe the many ways she searched for her own alone time and the conclusion she would reach every time was the same. She would become resentful of her husband's time off work, and she would take weekends off and then her weekends would spill over into the week. She commented she was left feeling overwhelmed and had more of a desire to escape. The following paragraph spoke to my heart:

"Me Time is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfying piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not who we truly are. It begs us to search for fulfillment outside the titles of "wife" and "mother." It accuses precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It reduces motherehood to a disease in which little dirty faces and endless monotonous tasks slowly suck the life out of us. It
says that we can never be refreshed by spending time in the presence of those we care for day in and day out. It points out a perceived hole in our world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be refuled, a monster that will swallow us if we neglect to feed it Me Time."

She went on to conlcude that unless her time alone, away from the family, was in fact, time seeking God, she never felt fulfilled.
This article was perfect for me right now. Mr. TD has always traveled with his job, and it is usually at the most inconvenient times. But I chose this life. I chose to marry him knowing that his job required travel. I chose to quit my job as the inside sales manager/design engineer of a small company to stay home and raise my children. I chose not to send Princess TD to school, but rather to homeschool. I love that I have these opportunities and choices.

Oh, I do have THOSE days, when everything that could go wrong does. It is on those days that I remind myself that the last five years have gone by in a flash. Although I have a few more to go before they leave home, it will happen before I want them to leave, and I have so much to teach them and so much to learn from them in that time. I don't want to miss a thing!

So, no. I don't need me time, I already have it. My life and my time is defined by me being a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children.