The Homeschool Mother's Journal - Week 1

I stumbled on this meme and thought it would be a good way to get back into blogging again. I know the far away family wants to know how we are doing and what we are doing.

In my life this week...

In my last post, I shared what all has been going on in our lives for the last few months.  I have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and concern from friends and family.  It is always so comforting to know that others are praying for you.

In our homeschool this week...

This week was as perfect as a homeschool week could be!  Princess TD moved from carrying to borrowing in math with no difficulty...which is amazing considering the struggle we had with carrying to the hundreds place (and beyond) the previous week.  She is reading like crazy and devouring all books with ease.  Little TD took off with his reading/phonics lessons this week too.  He is so thrilled that he is learning to read and can't wait until he's finished with the "red book" so he can get his very own library card!

Places we are going & people we are seeing...

We had a great time last week at our homeschool group park day and also at the annual Valentine's Day ice skating party.  Both Princess TD and Little TD are having a blast comparing the Valentine cards they received and talking about the friends they saw.

This week we will again be headed out to park day for a fun afternoon in the warmth of the soon to be Texas spring.  We will also be attending our American Heritage Girls meeting for the first time this month...the previous one was cancelled due to the icy conditions!

My favorite thing this week was...

Seeing Princess TD and Little TD light up when they figured out what they were doing.  I never grow tired of that!

What's working/not working for us...

Right now, everything is working for us.  We seem to have found our groove.  I love our curriculum, with a few changes to fit my kids, mainly science and Bible.

Homeschool questions/thoughts I have...

Do I need to slow down, or just let things go?  Right now I am letting it ride, taking it one day at a time.

A photo to share...

Here is Princess TD at the Valentine ice skating party.  Little TD didn't skate.

Torn

I have been absent from here because I have been finding it very difficult to share all that has been going on in our lives. My mind is constantly filled with scenarios of how the next few days/months/years will play out with our new life in dealing with the cancer. I can't seem to get past the constant swirling thoughts in my few moments alone to get written what we have been doing in school and in life.

When I begin thinking about how to take care of Mom when she's 800+ miles away, I just can't seem to figure out what to do about it. My sister has been doing a phenomenal job of taking care of her as she goes through the chemotherapy treatments. The question that plagues both of our minds is 'where do we go from here?' and I feel completely inadequate to answer that question. I haven't been present for the doctor appointments, I don't have the opportunity to ask any questions of them and I am finding that very frustrating. I can't get my mind to process a solution when I don't have the data. That is just my engineering brain at work.

You see, I have been helping my cousin as she has gone through breast cancer at the same time my mom has been dealing with bladder cancer. The difference is that my cousin is here in town and has allowed me to be there for her doctor appointments. I have had the opportunity to ask questions of the doctors, get the facts, get the plan and help her to process and move through the diagnosis, surgery, chemo and soon the reconstruction. She has appreciated my help and wanted my help. Now, I am not saying this has been an easy process. It has been hard in fact. I have given of my time, my energy (both physical and mental) and neglected other things that probably shouldn't have been neglected. But, I would do it again in a heartbeat. No one should have to go through this alone, and I am honored that she asked me to go through this journey with her.

On the other hand, in my mom's case, she was at home for the first part and with my sister now. Her doctor in St. Louis was more than happy to discuss anything and everything with me over the phone. I was able to ask as many questions as I had and she was patient and answered all of them. I have learned all I know about bladder cancer and its treatment from the internet. I guess the most important facts being that is was caused by her decades of smoking and that it is one of the most recurring cancers.

So what do we do now? That is the question that plagues me.

Mom is still smoking. She doesn't truly believe that is what caused her cancer. She is not taking care of her basic needs. She isn't being responsible. She doesn't ask the doctors questions, she doesn't want to know. She doesn't interact with me and my family when she is here with us. She isn't eating well. She refuses to take anti-depressants to get through this time.

How can we send her home to live alone when this is how she is behaving?

If we don't send her home, where will she go?

How do we pay for her to live?


In Matthew 6:25-34, we are told not to worry about anything that God will take provide for our needs. I do find myself worrying about this situation way too often. When I realize I am worrying, I pray. I feel in a lot of ways that if we let Mom go home alone, it would be similar to sending a young child out to live on their own. How would you not worry about that?